We all work to get here... Ironman Hawaii

It's that time of the year again where I open my cold black heart to the world and lament on my fears, dreams, wants, and needs. Welcome back! This year's is simple. 2011 was the most difficult year of my life! Period!! It will take many years for the pain and angst to wisp from my memory.

The first 6 months of living in Italy I (almost) totally hated. I was the average American douchebag. I respected me and my opionion and wanted everything now because I was owed everything...right? Anyway, eventually I became a better person, cherished those around me, and learned how and what is important in my life. I am a better person for having lived in Italy.

Ironman was to be a one time check the box challenge; Do the distance, get the shirt, and call it a day. Ironman has changed me in many ways too: confidence, desire, determination, patience, etc etc etc. Ironman has opened up a world that I would never have entered nor even imagined. I have made, found, and will make so many friends from participating in this wacked up event. The support, stories, and inspiration I get from all of you is part of the small bright light at the end of this year. So many people have extended so much support for the Commander, Teegan, and I since she has been gone. From my family... THANKS! I am a better person for committing to an "ironman" lifestyle.

I enjoy being alone. I think that's why I enjoy Ironman training is that there are plenty of alone times. Since the beginning of January I have been alone. Sure I have a 9 year old girl to keep me company, but I'm still alone. Life changed the second I became the sole person responsible for another human. I couldn't tag off some of the responsibilities for my own free time. Training became really early, really late, and really short. I didn't ride my bike outside for 4 months (with the exception of the race that I tried to take a turn at 28mph, didn't make it and hit the curb) for fear that I would be hit by a car and Teegan would not have any family to take her. I had to buy a commercial grade treadmill because I couldn't take Teegan out for 13 mile rides on her bike with a heat index over 100+ or make her ride 50 miles per week to match my running. I took many Saturdays and Sundays off from training to keep her from turning into the equivalent of a latchkey Ironman kid. But this alone thing has gone too far. It is easy to lose touch with how much comfort I get just by having the Commander in the same room; and with that... I don't think I like being alone anymore.

October is to be the Commander's last full month in the desert; I can count the number of weeks left on one hand :) and with that we are a family again and will begin our transition to move back to Italy at the turn of 2012. Since it's October that means that I am again back on the BIG island of Hawaii for the Ironman World Championship. I'm not sure how I managed to qualify with the volume of training that I was able to get, I am quite fortunate! I'm not nearly the athlete I have been in prior trips to the island... well actually I am more of the athlete. I'm pretty sure I'm right at the 100kg (220lbs) mark at the start of the cannon. Ironman makes a great rapid weight loss day... who needs those 10,000 calories anyway??? I'm here to beat myself. I have my goals and they are all centered on the run. I'm going with the mentality there is no such thing as a great bike ride with a poor run ---> fingers crossed I follow my own words of advice. I don't want to have any energy left in my body when I cross the finish line Saturday. Have no regrets!

We've all worked to get here someway... this was just mine

Aloha and Mahalo